PART ONE
Last August during my time in
More precisely … what makes my heart tick? … what am I drawn to? how am I wired? What things/people/books/movies/concepts move me
I had been mulling over it for a couple of months, but for whatever reason, I needed it listed out. And the results surprised me. I had no idea the list would be that revealing. The following is my journal entry from August 11, 2007:
Fair Trade Dead Poet’s Society Invisible Children
Hotel Rwanda Amnesty International Born into Brothels
Book Discussions Foreign Films
The Kite Runner Peace Corps World Vision
Non-Profits Patch
making things right. righting wrongs. establishing justice. creating change. peace. unity. love. inspiring. being inspired. dreaming. hoping.
what does this look like in my life? i don’t want them to just be ideals/values. how do they apply to me? why does my heart beat like this? for what?
PART TWO
I read this the other day:
Tears ... “You never know what may cause them. The sight of the
You can never be sure. But of this you can be sure. Whenever you find tears in your eyes, especially unexpected tears, it is well to pay the closest attention.
They are not only telling you something about the secret of who you are, but more often than not God is speaking to you through them of the mystery of where you have come from and is summoning you to where … you should go to next.”
-Frederick Buechner in Listening to Your Life-
PART THREE
Ok … so here I am …. Realizing that part three involves putting part one and part two together.
Welcome to the puzzle that is my life. All of these sign posts … I know that they are there for a reason.
The secret of who I am and where to go next are in these things.
Oh Jesus … wouldn’t it be easier if it was stuff like puppies and rainbows? I don’t know what to do with war and inequality and corruption and injustice.
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4 comments:
thank you for this post... I couldn't agree more with your last sentence.... what do we do with these things? I honestly don't know what to do about war... I hear great arguments from both sides and while I favor anti-war, I still wrestle with it.... Shan and I decided that you should come visit us very soon... also, I love that you included "Patch Adams".
On another note, I have had to tell my life story a number of times in seminary, but this semester has been crazy....when I was sharing my story this last week, I was forced to answer some of the questions you raise in your post about who I am and why. It is surprising when you're forced to answer the question "Who am I?" Anyway, all of this is to say, I think it is very healthy and beneficial to answer these questions and others about yourself on a regular basis.
I hope you're having a wonderful week! We miss you!
sweet michelle. this post is why is one of the reasons why i love u so much. it is hard not to get paralyzed by these thoughts and questions, but rather use them to move forward, and make what little difference we can in our everyday lives. i have no answer or rebutals to any of these thoughts, but i do think they are beautiful.
i find that when my brain hurts after going over these issues, i need to stop and enjoy something simple. today it was putting on my warm fluffy socks on because it was cold outside...yeah for fall. so enjoy the simple things michelle, because the big things are messy and complicated.
my first initial pick for your color was goldenrod, a confident hue of the yellow family, but i am now leaning more towards eggplant. it is deep and rich...like u. love u
I stayed up half the night last night thinking about people demanding rights and saying how they deserve things and acting entitled and contrasting that with all the homeless, helpless, sick, and dying people I've seen in my life. It's overwhelming. Where is the line? How do we help the homeless in other countries when there are still homeless here? How do we help our homeless when so many won't make any effort for change? There's so many questions and not so many answers. These are tough things to think about, but I think it's a step in the right direction to be thinking about them.
Oh, and my last post is comment free. Sure would be nice if if someone commented on it . . . even just a hi I acknowledge that I have read this . . .
michelle. i love this post. in my life, looking back on past journal postings has been so beneficial. it's like you're stuck in a place and you dont see your way out. it's only in finding your way out and looking back do you see what you were supposed to learn from all the questioning and longing. i do love that quote.
who wants a life full of puppies and rainbows? puppies have no wisdom and rainbows are only beautiful after we'd made it through the storm.
love you sweet friend.
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