i'm not even going to lie .... i love reading blogs. especially from lots of my friends who i know are dealing with similiar things right now. it makes the world we're so spread out it seem much smaller. and that is nice. here are two of my favorites from the past week ....

thoughts from Steph ...

Lord, I am confused and unfocused and feel worthless and that just drags me further down - especially because I see the faces of my brothers and sisters around the world and hear their cries for help - "give me a mommy or daddy."…"Lord, rescue me out of this brothel - this hell-hole."…"Take the HIV/AIDS away." …and I am simply crying out for direction and for the Lord to close some of the doors of opportunity, while others cry for just one door to crack open - for a ray of light - for a glimpse of hope…

Lord, I wish that I could disappear - that all my selfish ugliness would be scrubbed away…yet I still see myself crying out to you. And you listen and answer in your mercy. I feel at a loss of words - or loss of focus; all the millions or words, fragments, ideas, disappointments, struggles, frustrations and joys getting tossed in the sea of abstract "mind-numbingness"…so that nothing escapes the dark-hole of my mind - torture - screams of nothingness erupting inside of my heart - afflicting pain on my Spirit - yet vanishing into thin air the minute something concrete attempts to dress it up in reality - to pull it down to earth…to grow roots.

That is a hope, but the wind keeps it from landing anywhere long enough to create a name for itself. It only lives in the Spirit; in the changing wind; in the visions, hopes and dreams that propel it forward in theory, but chained in reality. This constant struggle tears, but is careful not to kill. It might be easier if ‘the voice' goes away for a while. It might be easier to settle, to not think of what could be. Yet, its that whisper that keeps me alive. So I live in a constant state of despair: see how the world should be/could be, and for what it truly is - held captive by reality. When will visions and dreams win? When will hope and perseverance and passion uproot those chains that bind?

When will abstract utopia - heaven - grow legs and plant itself deeply into the heart of pain and confusion? Lord, come quickly. Love us and help us.

So, I know that the Lord has already ‘set us all free'… But emotionally, this is the cry of my spirit right now…a broken spirit that yearns to see heaven on earth…the cry of a visionary who can't seem to get her head out of the clouds…

So, physically what's new with me? I'm in Iowa. For the past two months I have traveled a lot (LA/Kansas City/New York City/ Minneapolis/all over IA) to see family and friends and have had numerous opportunities to share with churches, organizations, schools, Sunday schools/youth groups, radio and papers. These two things will continue well into march. The rest of my life/future is a whole bunch of abstractness that ranges from WR mobilization, writing, advocate for human trafficking, raising awareness through sports (biking/running), cooking, baking, returning to SE Asia…..so, there you have it…absolutely nothing set in stone. Each day still brings it's surprises….Am I scared of commitment? I don't know, maybe?

Here's one revelation He has deeply been laying on my heart: Ministry does not flow from a set time and place. Ministry flows from my identity in Christ. Thus, the Kingdom is brought where ever we go (as long as Christ is King/Lord of our life). It's about a lifestyle. It's 24/7. I knew this for awhile, but I think the lord is deepening this ‘mindset' within my heart and spirit. So maybe that's why he's not bringing a specific ‘ministry' to me right away. It's not about what I do, it's about who I am in Him. Love needs to be the motive - not duty or pity. It is all worthless without love.

thoughts from Jimmy ....

Part of being a part of something greatly significant and life changing is the knowledge that somehow the return to normalcy should be different. It should look different, it should feel different, it should just be different - and the hope is that "different" is somehow better.

"Different" is not always better - and not always in a negative way. We've been talking about re-entry a lot and the beginning of something new is not the completion of the season of re-entry. In fact, the beginning of something new can be the absolute climax of re-entry. It's at this moment you ask if what you're doing is settling, giving up, returning to normalcy - just as if nothing had ever happened. To come so far carries great fear that it will all be lost.

The adjustment phase is like a grieving process. There's no timetable, no expectations, no "right" way to deal. It's a process that must be walked, a journey that must be taken - this completing step is imperative for the success or failure of the pilgrimage. It's similar to a butterfly emerging or a chick hatching from its shell. It cannot forego the experience of fighting through because ultimately the struggle is what guarantees life on the other side. It's not uncompassionate to allow the process to happen - in fact, it's the only healthy way! Re-entry takes support, takes time, takes starting something new and applying all that you've learned: that God is still, somehow, in control.